apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
