I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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