what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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