So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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