I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
