the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
