I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
