perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
