Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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