this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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