Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
