Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
