i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
