I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
