Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
