Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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