i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
