She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
