if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
