just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
