I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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