Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
