I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize