I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
