I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
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