Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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