no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize