I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
