Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
