I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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