If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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