cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
