I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
