....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We're too hungover to prance.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
