as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
