we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
