I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
