i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Fuck appropriateness.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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