So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it hurts more in the daytime
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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