under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
