now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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