if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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