That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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