I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
