are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
