Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so let's talk penis.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
