My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
worst night to have a conscience
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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