dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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