Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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