hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
