There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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