I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
