The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I could fuck to npr.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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