My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
