i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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