So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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