After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i will never coherently bang her
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
