So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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