The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
