I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you had me at cake vodka
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
