i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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