cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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