I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
