Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
