I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
