She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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