I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
