The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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