Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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