I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
