i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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